Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
last night I used snow as a chaser
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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