drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I deserve this hangover.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
