i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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