I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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