dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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