wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you win again, gameday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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