guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
