everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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