it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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