I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
