this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
