So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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