I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
