I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
