You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
