She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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