the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
