Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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