so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
