i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
