you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
