legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
