you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish you could order shots online.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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