Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize