Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did i walk over a car last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
