Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize