Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
