I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
