Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
