he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
