you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize