Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
