i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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