I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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