Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
