he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
