I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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