I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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