This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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