you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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