what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
