I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
