i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
