Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
