Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
