I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
