he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
