they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
