I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
