After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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