hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize