why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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