People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
