if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
