dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize