I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
