I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
everyone is single if you try hard enough
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
