Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
