i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
