omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize