i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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