Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
