it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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