The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
