all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
