hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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