There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
