Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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