she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
