Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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