I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
