Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
