i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
