i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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