All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
