im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need water and some morals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
