I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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