careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
