Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How does one acquire holy water?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
