You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
