last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
