I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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