He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
