I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
