why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
