I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
