She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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