i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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