his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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