A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
