erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
