I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
