i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can Purell be used as lube?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
