I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
