In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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