You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
