Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize