I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
