You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
