Three words: puerto rican gang bang
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
