Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
