I just pynch a tree in the face
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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