This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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