that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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